My heart is hurting, I don't really have the words or energy to write well, but my mom deserves one last post. My mother, Patsy Lynn Bode, was the most courageous woman I have ever known. She taught me so many things in life. First and foremost, love the Lord thy God with all they heart, soul, and mind. Secondly, strength, she faced this disease valiantly, never letting on when she was hurting and in pain. She drew her strength from the Lord. Third, her servant's heart was evident to all she met. She loved others well, including her children and grandchildren.
My final promise to her was that I would teach my children to love and know the Lord so that we might all be together again. As I looked at her ragged, worn body, I felt a peace and confidence that she was indeed headed to a better place. We sang "It is well with my soul" as she took her final breath and looked up suddenly, eyes wide, as if she was looking into the face of Jesus.
A mixture of pain and joy continue to wash over me.
My children are a great source of strength (and at times exhaustion:) for me. Aksel sees me crying frequently and says, "Mommy, are you sad because grandma died?" I reply, "Yes love, I miss her very much. Are you sad?" At first his response was "Yes" however, today smiling he said, "No... because she is with God now." How powerful that is. I am reminded about a child-like Faith and truly see that in my children. Emery notices instantly when I am sad and runs to give me a kiss and a hug. We will make it through this tsunami of pain by the grace of God, surrounded by those we love.
At times I am frustrated, crying out, "Why God?" Then I think about the blessing she was in my life and experience gratitude for the time I had with her here on earth and the peace that comes with the promise of seeing her again someday. If even one comes to know the Lord through this pain and her passing, I count it gain. Please continue to pray for my father. His loss is somehow more profound than mine. He cared for her everyday in the most amazing way. I pray for comfort for him as he too learns to carry on. We will never be the same, never again feel whole, but knowing and loving my mother was worth every tear and every pain. My kids will likely remember little about her, but I can continue her legacy the best I can through teaching them to love the Lord and reminding them how deeply she cared for them.
Mom, I say goodbye for now, til I see you again. XOXO
Click here to watch remembrance video of Grandma
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Friday, November 6, 2015
Prayer Warriors needed....
So here I am ... Waiting for mom to come out of her interventional radiology procedure. She had to be admitted to the ICU last night/this morning and so I drove up from Portland to be by her side. I needed to be here, wanted to be here. She is fragile right now and we are all at times emotional. She was doing so well, but a second intestinal bleed occurred and they are now fixing it. I have no video to attach to this, today we just pray for mom to have the strength to continue on and to guide they hands of those who work with her. This is the space I was so scared of finding myself in... but here we are. This is a time for prayer, because truly God's hand has to be at work to give her (and us) the strength she (we) need. We'll keep you posted. Xoxo
UPdATE: They were able to control the bleeding for now... We won't know whether it will solve the issue for good until time passes. Please continue to pray! Thank you!
2nd procedure: this was very scary and critical... but praise the Lord!!! She made it through. We now wait and hope the procedure (IR) was enough to fix her issues. Of course it was a rare bleed in the lower small intestine (first case one of them had seen) which is likely an anatomical anomalie which means it could possibly happen elsewhere. There is also a chance the bowel could "die" in which case she'd need to go to surgery. She is not currently a good candidate for surgery, so pray for health and strength. Thanks for your prayers!!! Today seems proof that miracles happen as the physicians hands were guided. Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!! The next 48 hrs are critical... So keep up the prayer chain... You are all amazing!
Well... Mom made it out of surgery last night. They resected 5 feet of her bowel. Her bleeding has stopped, but her body is now going into shock from all the trauma and blood transfusions. She is likely not long for this earth. Thanks for your continued prayers. We now ask peace for the family and for mom as she prepares for heaven. ❤️
We rejoice that mom has gone to heaven where there is no pain or sorrow, but I selfishly want her here. God had other plans that we don't always understand, but I praise Him for His goodness to us despite everything. We will see her in heaven someday... There is comfort in that. I will remind my children how much their grandma loved them. She was such a woman of Faith and strength and I am forever grateful to have had her in my life.
Lord,
We delivered mom to you today. We literally sang her into Your Glory. Thank you for that opportunity. We don't understand your plans, but we trust they are good and perfect. Continue to watch over us as we grieve her loss. We love you, thanks for gifting us eternal life.
Amen
UPdATE: They were able to control the bleeding for now... We won't know whether it will solve the issue for good until time passes. Please continue to pray! Thank you!
2nd procedure: this was very scary and critical... but praise the Lord!!! She made it through. We now wait and hope the procedure (IR) was enough to fix her issues. Of course it was a rare bleed in the lower small intestine (first case one of them had seen) which is likely an anatomical anomalie which means it could possibly happen elsewhere. There is also a chance the bowel could "die" in which case she'd need to go to surgery. She is not currently a good candidate for surgery, so pray for health and strength. Thanks for your prayers!!! Today seems proof that miracles happen as the physicians hands were guided. Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!! The next 48 hrs are critical... So keep up the prayer chain... You are all amazing!
Well... Mom made it out of surgery last night. They resected 5 feet of her bowel. Her bleeding has stopped, but her body is now going into shock from all the trauma and blood transfusions. She is likely not long for this earth. Thanks for your continued prayers. We now ask peace for the family and for mom as she prepares for heaven. ❤️
We rejoice that mom has gone to heaven where there is no pain or sorrow, but I selfishly want her here. God had other plans that we don't always understand, but I praise Him for His goodness to us despite everything. We will see her in heaven someday... There is comfort in that. I will remind my children how much their grandma loved them. She was such a woman of Faith and strength and I am forever grateful to have had her in my life.
Lord,
We delivered mom to you today. We literally sang her into Your Glory. Thank you for that opportunity. We don't understand your plans, but we trust they are good and perfect. Continue to watch over us as we grieve her loss. We love you, thanks for gifting us eternal life.
Amen
Friday, October 16, 2015
Kroegers take the Pumpkin Patch; Blessings & Frustrations for Grandma this week
Yesterday we decided to take advantage of the crazy 80 degree weather we are having and live it up at Lee Farms Pumpkin Patch. We jumped on a giant pillow, joined a hayride and met some animal friends. Earlier in the day, Emery decided to take up skateboarding and demonstrate her ambidextrous skills all while Aks was at school. All in all.... a fun and busy day!
Keep praying! Mom received some interesting news this past week. After NIH reviewed her chart information, they decided they didn't agree with her previous diagnosis. AHHH! They believe she has the broad, more general peripheral T-cell lymphoma rather than the extremely rare type. Under this better known (but still rare) diagnosis she qualifies for the stem cell transplant! We are excited that this means insurance will cover the stem cell transplant and are very relieved that it will likely happen in Seattle as opposed to D.C.
However, as you may imagine... it is frustrating to think that with this diagnosis, she could have had the stem cell transplant back in August when her body was ready. Since then, the differentiated chemo has caused nerve damage in her feet and suddenly her EBV count has once again increased. Although she had great periods of feeling strong, the last 2 weeks have been difficult and included 2 more visits to the ER and one hospital admission. We have to continue to trust in God's plan for her. This change in diagnosis will not likely change her prognosis, but we will know more when she feels well enough to meet with the doctors at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Please join us in prayer for continued direction in her treatment of this cancer. We pray healing over her body again in order to prepare for the stem cell transplant. Thanks for your continued prayers!
Click Here for video
Keep praying! Mom received some interesting news this past week. After NIH reviewed her chart information, they decided they didn't agree with her previous diagnosis. AHHH! They believe she has the broad, more general peripheral T-cell lymphoma rather than the extremely rare type. Under this better known (but still rare) diagnosis she qualifies for the stem cell transplant! We are excited that this means insurance will cover the stem cell transplant and are very relieved that it will likely happen in Seattle as opposed to D.C.
However, as you may imagine... it is frustrating to think that with this diagnosis, she could have had the stem cell transplant back in August when her body was ready. Since then, the differentiated chemo has caused nerve damage in her feet and suddenly her EBV count has once again increased. Although she had great periods of feeling strong, the last 2 weeks have been difficult and included 2 more visits to the ER and one hospital admission. We have to continue to trust in God's plan for her. This change in diagnosis will not likely change her prognosis, but we will know more when she feels well enough to meet with the doctors at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Please join us in prayer for continued direction in her treatment of this cancer. We pray healing over her body again in order to prepare for the stem cell transplant. Thanks for your continued prayers!
Click Here for video
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Birthday cheer to the ER... continued prayers
Sorry our posts/videos have been MIA lately. Travis' grandma passed and he was able to take a trip to visit his family in Iowa. Life always holds the sweetest moments bundled with the pain. I personally look forward to life beyond this one, but hold dear to the familiar of what I know here on earth.
This post is a mix of weeks past, time with grandma and birthday celebrations together. We did not include video from this week as 2 for 3 kiddos have croup... and I am getting NO SLEEP. :0 On the bright side, Madsen only woke up at 2:30am and 6:00am last night, but Emery needed me in her bottom bunk every 30 minutes saying, "I can't be on my own sowf mommy."
Unfortunately mom had to be admitted to the ER this past Sunday night. She had uncontrollable nausea, pain and developed a 103 degree fever. She ended up with an unexplained colitis that they are monitoring. Please pray for her healing and that they hear back from NIH soon to continue the process towards a stem cell transplant.
Her visit to the ER was disheartening and feels like a step back. It seems difficult to swallow her hurting and pain compared to the beautiful 3 weeks she has had, however just as in all of our lives, the ups and downs just make us stronger if we look to the One from where our strength comes from. In that vein, may strength and peace extend to families in the Umpqua Community College shooting. My heart breaks for those hurting just 2.5 hrs from us in Roseburg, OR. "Lord, may you comfort those broken from the senseless loss of those whose lives were cut too short. We don't have answers, but we know that we are all broken and capable of heinous sin. Be our Light amidst the brokenness. May love transcend. Amen."
click HERE for video
This post is a mix of weeks past, time with grandma and birthday celebrations together. We did not include video from this week as 2 for 3 kiddos have croup... and I am getting NO SLEEP. :0 On the bright side, Madsen only woke up at 2:30am and 6:00am last night, but Emery needed me in her bottom bunk every 30 minutes saying, "I can't be on my own sowf mommy."
Unfortunately mom had to be admitted to the ER this past Sunday night. She had uncontrollable nausea, pain and developed a 103 degree fever. She ended up with an unexplained colitis that they are monitoring. Please pray for her healing and that they hear back from NIH soon to continue the process towards a stem cell transplant.
Her visit to the ER was disheartening and feels like a step back. It seems difficult to swallow her hurting and pain compared to the beautiful 3 weeks she has had, however just as in all of our lives, the ups and downs just make us stronger if we look to the One from where our strength comes from. In that vein, may strength and peace extend to families in the Umpqua Community College shooting. My heart breaks for those hurting just 2.5 hrs from us in Roseburg, OR. "Lord, may you comfort those broken from the senseless loss of those whose lives were cut too short. We don't have answers, but we know that we are all broken and capable of heinous sin. Be our Light amidst the brokenness. May love transcend. Amen."
click HERE for video
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Emery turns 3!
Sweet and spunky baby girl isn't a baby anymore. She is establishing herself well between her brothers and she definitely knows how to push Aksel's buttons already. Oh boy. :) This is a short clip of our day today celebrating Emery. Her party day is Saturday, so this celebration was nice and low key.
Click here for VIDEO
Update on mom! Keep praying you warriors. It has been such a wonderful blessing for her to have her energy and zeal for life back during the break from chemo. As many of you may have noticed, she decided she needed a recumbent bike to start working out and regaining some strength. Love her! She's been eating well as the sores in her mouth have subsided. What an answer to prayer!!! She had the opportunity to surprise many family members in Lynden with a short visit yesterday which has been rejuvenating for all of us to see!
Today she started chemo once again, but at a slightly lower dosage. This particular chemo is working well to target her EBV cells as the count has now dropped to 400!!! (I believe I remember it was 38,000 prior to chemo) Praise the Lord once again. We continue to wait to hear about the possibility of her being accepted as a study subject for the stem cell transplant at NIH. Please pray the physicians there respond to this request. It would alleviate much of the financial stress of taking 3/4 of a million out of their retirement.
Thanks for praying for Grandma!!!
An old favorite verse of mine that pops in my head tonight:
"Even lions grow weary and tired, but those who look to the Lord will have every good thing."
Click here for VIDEO
Update on mom! Keep praying you warriors. It has been such a wonderful blessing for her to have her energy and zeal for life back during the break from chemo. As many of you may have noticed, she decided she needed a recumbent bike to start working out and regaining some strength. Love her! She's been eating well as the sores in her mouth have subsided. What an answer to prayer!!! She had the opportunity to surprise many family members in Lynden with a short visit yesterday which has been rejuvenating for all of us to see!
Today she started chemo once again, but at a slightly lower dosage. This particular chemo is working well to target her EBV cells as the count has now dropped to 400!!! (I believe I remember it was 38,000 prior to chemo) Praise the Lord once again. We continue to wait to hear about the possibility of her being accepted as a study subject for the stem cell transplant at NIH. Please pray the physicians there respond to this request. It would alleviate much of the financial stress of taking 3/4 of a million out of their retirement.
Thanks for praying for Grandma!!!
An old favorite verse of mine that pops in my head tonight:
"Even lions grow weary and tired, but those who look to the Lord will have every good thing."
Psalm34:10
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Thursday visit from gram & gramps!
We were overjoyed to welcome grandma and grandpa to our home this past Thursday!!! Did you get that? She travelled... to Portland!!! Mom finally felt well enough due to the doctors orders to take a week off of chemo. It was such a blessing to be able to have her and dad visit our new home and to be able to see the grandkids doing their normal day to day stuff here at home. We also celebrated Emery's 3rd birthday with them a week early. Many of you know, but they used to come down to watch the kiddos two Fridays a month while Trav and I were at work. I know both they and the kids treasured those special trips and we've been sad to miss them these past 8 months. This video includes our time together here the last couple days.
Click here for VIDEO
Keep praying for mom! She returns to chemo this next week. Pray this renewed strength carries her through this next phase of the unknown. The doctor really doesn't want mom and dad to spend the $700,000+ on the stem cell transplant and so they are in communication with NIH (national institute of health) to see if they would like to conduct a study on her case to substantially reduce costs. Even though mom is doing well this week, ultimately we know that she needs healing which will not come from chemo alone. Please pray that we get answers swiftly as to whether or not NIH will cover some of these costs. This would mean that she would have to go to NIH in D.C. for the treatment. Thanks for your prayers! Keep them coming! We are so grateful to all of you!
Click here for VIDEO
Keep praying for mom! She returns to chemo this next week. Pray this renewed strength carries her through this next phase of the unknown. The doctor really doesn't want mom and dad to spend the $700,000+ on the stem cell transplant and so they are in communication with NIH (national institute of health) to see if they would like to conduct a study on her case to substantially reduce costs. Even though mom is doing well this week, ultimately we know that she needs healing which will not come from chemo alone. Please pray that we get answers swiftly as to whether or not NIH will cover some of these costs. This would mean that she would have to go to NIH in D.C. for the treatment. Thanks for your prayers! Keep them coming! We are so grateful to all of you!
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Kids go to OMSI; keep prayin for gma!
Grandma had another 4 hr infusion of chemo this week and was feeling under the weather, but is starting to feel better. We don't have much more info than last week and will hopefully know more about when the stem cell transplant is happening by next week. Please continue to pray that that we are able to find a way for insurance to cover this treatment. Mom's doctor is in communication with the National Institute of Health (NIH) which may offer another option. We are resting in the peace that God has a plan for mom. Please join us in prayer for healing for grandma.
Aksel, Emery and Madsen miss you grandma and grandpa! Madsen had his 4 month check-up, we took a trip to OMSI and Emery helped me finish her mermaid birthday invitations! It was a good day... here's a peak.
click here for VIDEO
Aksel, Emery and Madsen miss you grandma and grandpa! Madsen had his 4 month check-up, we took a trip to OMSI and Emery helped me finish her mermaid birthday invitations! It was a good day... here's a peak.
click here for VIDEO
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