One Last Tribute to Mom

My heart is hurting, I don't really have the words or energy to write well, but my mom deserves one last post.  My mother, Patsy Lynn Bode, was the most courageous woman I have ever known.  She taught me so many things in life.  First and foremost, love the Lord thy God with all they heart, soul, and mind.  Secondly, strength, she faced this disease valiantly, never letting on when she was hurting and in pain.  She drew her strength from the Lord.  Third, her servant's heart was evident to all she met.  She loved others well, including her children and grandchildren. 

My final promise to her was that I would teach my children to love and know the Lord so that we might all be together again.  As I looked at her ragged, worn body, I felt a peace and confidence that she was indeed headed to a better place.  We sang "It is well with my soul" as she took her final breath and looked up suddenly, eyes wide, as if she was looking into the face of Jesus.
A mixture of pain and joy continue to wash over me. 

My children are a great source of strength (and at times exhaustion:) for me.  Aksel sees me crying frequently and says, "Mommy, are you sad because grandma died?"  I reply, "Yes love, I miss her very much.  Are you sad?"  At first his response was "Yes" however, today smiling he said, "No... because she is with God now." How powerful that is.  I am reminded about a child-like Faith and truly see that in my children.  Emery notices instantly when I am sad and runs to give me a kiss and a hug.  We will make it through this tsunami of pain by the grace of God, surrounded by those we love.

At times I am frustrated, crying out, "Why God?"  Then I think about the blessing she was in my life and experience gratitude for the time I had with her here on earth and the peace that comes with the promise of seeing her again someday.  If even one comes to know the Lord through this pain and her passing, I count it gain.  Please continue to pray for my father.  His loss is somehow more profound than mine.  He cared for her everyday in the most amazing way.  I pray for comfort for him as he too learns to carry on.  We will never be the same, never again feel whole, but knowing and loving my mother was worth every tear and every pain.  My kids will likely remember little about her, but I can continue her legacy the best I can through teaching them to love the Lord and reminding them how deeply she cared for them. 

Mom, I say goodbye for now, til I see you again. XOXO 

Click here to watch remembrance video of Grandma